Not the same thought, but it’s for sure negative.

No special fonts or anything like that today. Today is just plain thinking.

Long story short, I’ve been at my dad’s house since Thursday. I met my step mom Susy, who’s really sweet. I like her a lot. Here’s where it’s ugly though.

They were married of March of 1994, and I was born in June of 94′. Not by the same mother.

I hadn’t had my dad around ever until I was 15. It was a rocky relationship for my dad and I. But eventually got to meet each other this week. I’ve been getting up early with everyone, enjoying some coffee. My dad though, wasn’t up as early as Susan. So I talked with her a bit. She wanted to show me her and my father’s wedding albums. These large books of forgotten happiness were stowed away by the modern zero gravity chair. At first when I picked them up, I was okay with it but then I quickly realized the emotion I’d probably feel. Disappointment.

That’s really the feeling I felt. I felt hatred for my father for what he did. I flipped through the god forbid pages of his young smiling face, asking my self the exact same question over and over again: “How could he have done this?” He lied. For months. and 7 more years after that. To Susan, about what he did. He never even brought it up. I was angry at this false father in the pictures I saw. That happiness he probably played and faked to hide the adultery he had committed. This beautiful woman he had hurt. What a bastard. She never even knew! What did my mother think? Would have she even cared? Who were my mother and father as they were younger? I saw the traits of me within him is these pictures. His teeth and gums are large. Like mine. His eyes, and high cheek bones. Like mine.

Susan hates my mother. Honestly, I don’t appreciate the way she talks about her sometimes but there isn’t anything I can do. I’d be pretty mad too if my husband lied to me for 7 years about an affair that out came a child. I don’t understand how a person could do this.

“We used to be happy,” Susan said. “Don’t say that!” I replied. But I know what she meant and she had all the rights in the world to say it. I love my father, but he screwed up pretty bad. I know I should let what he’s done now to release and void the feelings I feel about him in the past. But what he did was a wound, and wounds do scar. I just pondered on some scars this morning.

Lord, please help me.

Julia Leigh Van Linda

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My beautiful trip to Prescott. <3

Hey readers, I’m currently residing in Prescott with the boyfriend. I’ve missed him a lot. ❤ It’s absoloutley beautiful out here. The weather is perfect. The mountains are fantastic. It’s so amazing out here. I go home tomorrow though. I don’t really ever want to pull away for this time being. But I know I got to. William was very happy to see me, as was I to see him. It’s been all great fun since Thursday and I know in a few hours time it will get emotional. It just always does for us. Do I know why? No. We’ve been friends for 6 years and I should. We just struggle with separation. I won’t admit it, but the past few months have been really hard for me. It breaks my heart that my man is so far away. I know our future is strong, I know that. It’s just a feeling I can’t describe. 

I thought of this fantastic idea for when I decide to have kids. I saw a book last night at the book store titled, “Oh man, you’re gonna be a daddy!”  It was a book for expecting fathers. I’m going to wrap that book and give it to the father of my child someday. 

Random, huh?

 

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May 10th, happy birthday mom.

Today, my mom would’ve been 50, I truly miss her. I don’t even know what to think anymore. I miss her with this burning passion, and I’m happy with my new life. I know my mom had problems. And I know she tried her hardest to raise my sister and I. I never gave her enough credit. She taught me how to love. She knew the man I’m going to be with. . .

 

When a man treats his woman like a princess, that’s proof that he was born and raised in the arms of a queen. -unknown

William and I have been back together for almost 4 months now. You know when you think back on your past and think, “why?” I don’t know why I chose any other man BUT William. He’s such a gentlemen to me. Yeah, I get irritated when he’s almost ALWAYS right, even when he is right, he doesn’t boast about it. When I’m upset, he’ll comfort me. We share all our provisons of our life together, We’re holding up on each other, even though I’m already missing him and he doesn’t leave to Prescott till September.

I love you boy. ❤

-Julia Leigh Van Linda

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April, hello :)

April is just about here. The 2nd weekend, I’ll be going to six flags with some of my peers, the weekend after that, I’ll be going to my bestfriend (of six years)/boyfriend’s prom. It’ll be so important. I’m going to start working out 😀 I’ll post more later (:

 

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Life since I last posted.

Hey guys, sorry it’s been a million and one years, so much has happend. I dated a guy, his name was Christian, and as I’m posting this, his brother is maybe 15 feet from me. His brother is funny as shit. I saw Christians dad as well.His dad loves me. I’m now moving on, to a fantastic boy named Jacob. He’s really sweet, with these blue eyes that taunt me. I can barely look him in the eyes for 10 seconds with out smiling. I’m with him right now. It’s been a plan to hang out all week, and now we’re here. Ahh, my life is good. I’m passing all of my classes, and doing so fantastic. I love my life.

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Sorry it’s been a while,

Sorry it’s been forever guys, I’ve had a lot happen since I last posted. As leaving off from Joe, I went to his graduation, and cried. I hugged him tight and saw him once more in June when I went to a water park where he worked (life guard, woot woot!) and haven’t seen him since. We moved to Apache Junction, and bought a trailer and a pretty snazzy car. But unfourtanly my mom died in October leaving my sister and I with my friend Robbie’s parents which will probably be permenant. My ex and I are still Ex’s but we still talk a lot. I go to a little alterentive school, and I’m head over heals in love with this kid named Mason. He’s the sweetest sweet can get. So sure he’s a little immature, but I really don’t mind.

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I met a more than amazing gentleman type of guy.

His name is Adam. I met him at Club Pulse on Friday. He was sitting at a table with his best friend Zane. Adam and I talked and danced for the rest of that night, exchanging numbers and texting. The next day, we planned a date for Monday, going to a water park called Sunsplash. It was my first time there, so I let him lead me around every where. We laid in the lazy river for a bit, then went on like a billion water slides. We ate pizza that cost six bucks for two slices. We decided to go back at like 5 because it was hot, I was tired and so was he. We sat on his couch watching tv, and randomly kissing. He then gave me a really deep, passionate kiss, pulled away, and asked me to be his girl. I said yes. Of course. A big hug was embraced from there. Yesterday I rode the bus all the way to Superstition springs mall an hour from here, and met up with him. We walked around and spent a lot of time together. We went behind the curtain samples at the Macy’s home store, and kissed. I realized when we pull back from a kiss, Adam smiles really big and blushes. It’s so adorable. When I had to leave, I didn’t want to. I wanted to just stay with him. Cuddle. Just be there. I went home, and had the worst fight with my ex ever. I was done. That was it. He’s leaving soon. YAY! But anyways, I called Adam afterwords and talked to him for like an hour? IDK! But he comforted me and made sure everything was okay. He’s really protective over me, which makes me really happy because I feel safe. I finally went to sleep thinking about him, and woke up with a phone call from him. Best way to wake up 🙂 Tomorrow we’re going ice skating, and I’m going to show him! I’m a Mainer. We’re born in cold weather! We skate! I’ve been ice skating since I was four. So hah!

oh yeah, p.s. our song is officially I don’t want to miss a thing by Arrowsmith. It was cute how when I asked him replied with a YES!

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